Improve all of your relationships with the 5 love languages

When you speak someone's love language they will understand and love you more.

Although February is linked with "romantic love," I'd like to focus this newsletter to address love in all relationships because love makes the world go around! The amount of love we feel is linked to the amount of happiness in our lives. 

  

I was fortunate to come across this book in my late 20s. If I came across this sooner, perhaps I wouldn't have struggled so much in some of my relationships. Figuring out other's love languages, I was able to connect to so many more people, transform my relationships on all levels and become more compassionate, humble, and understanding.

  

For example, for many years I struggled in my relationship with my mother. To this day, my mother has never said I love you to me nor does she touch me very much. It's not common in Asian cultures for you to express your feelings or be affectionate. I felt no matter what I did, it was never enough.

  

My mother always provided whatever I needed. If I craved a certain food, it would be on the dinner table that evening. When I learned her love language is acts of service, I understood that was her way of saying "I LOVE YOU."  Knowing this, it brings me to a state of peace.

 

What is my love language? I'm bi-lingual with acts of service and quality time. Reflecting on my relationships, the closer and better relationships are with the people that do things for me and with me...this is probably why I'm always inviting people to do things with me! I'm learning to speak words of affirmation and physical touch much better, which I did very poorly. If you've had an airbrush spray tan from me, there is a reason why I guide you with my hand and pinch you! I also make sure you are comfortable and compliment you .  =)

(One of my best-friends Julie says spray tanning may be the 6th love language!)

 

Chuc mung nam moi! Happy Lunar New Year!

Chuc Mung Nam Moi1 Happy New Year!  

Actually Happy Lunar New Year, aka Chinese New Years! The Lunar New Years is the longest and most important celebration in the Asian Calendar. In the Asian culture, this is a very joyous holiday full of festivities, food, and superstitions. The first day of the year marks how the entire year will be. This was my favorite holiday growing up and now I'm proud to connect others to it so they can celebrate it with me.  I hope you find it fun and partake in some of it, if nothing else it's great small talk! The nerd in me put it all in one for you, so it's kinda long...  

February 10 marks the beginning of the year of the Water Snake. If you've already goofed on your reSOULtions, just start over here, you may have better luck. I'm sending you this early so you have time to prepare for it and send it your friends.   

Below are some traditions and what this year could mean for you.  

1. Dirty Doings

Put your feet up and relax. Certainly the most enjoyable of the Lunar New Year superstitions, sweeping and cleaning is strictly forbidden. Asians believe cleaning means you'll sweep all of your good luck out the front door.

2. Time to Come Clean

Before you can enjoy number two, you need to give the house a full spring clean, before putting cleaning tools in the cupboard on New Year's Eve.

3. Read Between the Lines

Be sure to stock up on reading materials before Lunar New Year, as bookshops will be padlocked tight. In Cantonese, book is a homonym for 'lose'.

4. Choppy Waters

Make sure you avoid rough seas in the new year by NOT buying shoes over the holiday period. In Cantonese, shoes are a homonym for 'rough'.

5. Balance the Books

If you're in debt, it's time to dip into your pockets and pay people off. The Chinese believe that if you start the new year in the red, you'll finish it the same way.

6. Ghostly Conversations

Caught round a campfire over the holiday period? No ghost stories. Tales of death, dying and ghosts is considered supremely inauspicious, especially during Lunar New Year.

7. Lady in Red

Lunar New Year is packed with colors, and while all the colors of the rainbow bring good luck, it's the color red that is considered the ultimate luck bringer.

8. Sweet Year

Hong Kongers have a sweet touch at the best of times, but Lunar New Year offers the perfect chance to raid the sweet shop, as eating sweets is said to deliver a sweeter year.

International Feng Shui consultant Marites Allen, said it is difficult to say exactly what the future of a particular person would be especially during the Year of the Snake which is regarded as an unpredictable being, but she recalled that the last time that year of the snake occurred in 2001, the World Trade Center attack in the United States and the ouster of then Philippine President Joseph Estrada happened.  "This is not to say that similar catastrophic events are indicated in 2013, but to be forewarned is to be forearmed.   

In fact, Allen said whatever good things that were started in 2012 even has a good chance of being carried over to 2013 "and could mean better prospects for us who are prepared to make the most of these elements." "The key is to continue to update our knowledge and have the proper cures and enhancers in place where they are needed."  

For instance, those born under the Boar sign are warned about having a challenging year in 2013 as certain mishaps and obstacles may happen while those born under the signs of the Ox and Dog are expected to have a good year in 2013 -if not better than what they had in 2012.  

Those born under the Dog sign are expected to have many happy moments and improvement of luck but must watch out for ill-meaning people while those under the Rooster sign may have some wealth luck in 2013 but must be aware of potential risks of getting robbed or physical harm.  

People born under the Monkey sign faces a potential improvement in their relationship but must take care of their health just like those who are born under the Sheep sign.  

Those born under the year of the Horse are expected to have an improved year in 2013 after suffering through a challenging 2012 but there are still some obstacles that may hinder their full recovery.  

People born under the Snake are expected to have a good year but faces waning energy while the Dragons are expected to have an improvement in their relationship luck. Dragons are also advised to stay low in 2013 though they could expect a better year than what they had in 2012.  

Those under the Rabbit sign are advised to watch their temper due to the presence of the Argument Star in their chart in 2013 while those under the Tiger must watch out for possible mishaps and mischiefs, including potential robbery problems despite having the Lucky #8 star in their chart which could bring wealth and good luck.  

People born under the Ox may expect a lucky year in 2013 like those under the Rat symbol who are in for plenty of good news due to the presence of income and promotion luck in their charts.

Allen stressed that forecasts are there to serve as guide and it is still up to the person to pursue their own luck and how they would live their lives.

What are you QUESTIONING?

Have you been in work or holiday re-cooping mode? Perhaps strategy or solution finding? January has always been a tough month for me, I'm excited about new starts/goals/projects but overwhelmed and tight on budget. My rational mind says to be "conservative" and do the "logical" and responsible thing.

Last week I was in research and planning mode. I wrote down action items I needed to do but I found my body in RESISTANCE...so I procrastinated...On Saturday I realized I had gotten into analysis paralysis. I wasn't living from my heart or using my intuition, and asking lousy questions. Questions are really the answers.  

If you ask a lousy question, you'll get a lousy answer. For instance, are you sub-consciously asking yourself "Why can't I lose weight?" Re-frame it and ask "How can I lose 5 lbs in the next 2 weeks?" If you do this, you'll find your brain will seek 2-3 action steps instantly and flow with more ease. If you ask the first question, you'll find your body goes into an excuse mode of I've tried it before...it was hard...and it links it with PAIN. Then you end up doing nothing at all. In a month you find yourself in the same place repeating the pattern. It makes it harder to FEEL into the gratitude, appreciation, and joy living the first way.

I'm going to challenge you to shift your actions/thoughts and just see how different you FEEL

• Pick your target and re-frame your goal in the form of a question with the end in mind and a time frame
• Write it down
• Be open to what shows up in the form of symbols, impressions, people, events in the next few days...if it is shows up repeatedly, experiment with it. You can always go back to your old ways, but what if this is the answer you've been seeking?
• Relax into it. Trust. For things to change, you sometimes have to change. Sometimes things may seem bad but its really acting in your favor. Affirm "Life doesn't happen TO me, life happens FOR me." The more of life I experience, the more I believe nothing is coincidence unless you want it to be
• Body check yourself with Intuition-->then logic-->then Emotion.

It is my intention that this brings you to happier win/win solutions in all aspects of your life! 

Thank you for being you and part of my life. Would love to hear or read whatever steers you in this moment.

Capturing Your JOY

In day 5's message, which was 3 days ago because 3 days=1, I wrote about FEELING INTO GRATITUDE. Gratitude leads to appreciation which then leads into duplication. What we are duplicating is JOY because having more joy attracts more love: love for yourself, others, and the world.      

Love is the highest frequency at 1000 decibels, followed by JOY and Peace. This is why the intention of my Lotus Mudra Meditation is to bring you more LOVE, PEACE, AND JOY. I want you to capture your joy because you are better in all areas and can create that ripple effect that transforms the world. You will give and RECEIVE more. In JOY you will find gratitude, appreciation, and produce duplication, dreams, and decisions. All the right words will flow from your heart to your lips at all the right time.

When my brother had his baby last week, he wrote he wanted to capture the moment because he was overwhelmed with joy.  

 

"Joy is a funny word. It's not like the word HAPPY because the Y doesn't make the sound of a smile...(the e in cheese). The Y in JOY is silent and it really portrays the emotion well because having lots of Joy makes you want to explode silently, at least that's what it is doing to me right now, and to not explode you have to let it out. I thought about dancing but Grace would think I went Crazy if she woke up to see me dancing in the dark to no music."   

I wish for you to connect to your JOY, whether is be a child, pet, experience...there is no right or wrong, it's your JOY. Capture it and recapture it consistently because we are what we consistently do. Your brain will forget unless its re-inforced with ANCHORS and within 3 days. Incorporate to your senses with a picture, writing, song, smell or ritual. If you want to get there faster, do it daily. (Get that list of gratitude you wrote on day 5 and and re-read it before you go to bed tonight!)    

Here are ways to re-capture your joy:  
*Find pictures of when you are really happy and post it  

As a screen saver on your computer, phone, or carry it with you. You can have different pictures scattered everywhere.   

*On your calendar schedule it in and make it repeat every day/week.  

Every Sunday at 9am my calendar tells me "It's Sunday Funday. You can do, be and have whatever you dream! You are the luckiest person in the world."

*Make a playlist of songs you love.  

Use it when you are getting ready or listen to it when you are driving to or from work. Add a little dancing to it!  

*Write down your joy in whatever language/way you need. Release the idea that it must be perfect in grammer, etc...you are not submitting it for a contest! Remember its your JOY!   

*Make daily or weekly rituals.  

I love bridges because recently I connected that it symbolically represents freedom for me. It tells me I've crossed over, it reminds me no matter how scared I am of falling, I'm supported. I cross over a bridge everyday to work and I make a wish when I cross it and I'm so happy. Every week Cosmo, my dog and I walk/run across 3 bridges from my house to downtown Denver. I don't know why it brings me so much joy but it does.    

At first when you do these things you WILL feel SILLY. I promise you if you try it for one month, you'll start to feel a subtle shift and you won't care. Your mindset will begin to open to see blessings and opportunities. You'll want it for others like my brother did when he wrote his post. Here is his blessing to you for this year:  

     

"May this year reveal all the blessings of your life and that you notice what keeps you up because it feels you with so much JOY. May that joy change you and grow you for this year and many years to come. May in the end you look like my baby after the cleaning and shine as bright." 

FEELING into gratitude and releasing expectations

Confession: This series I'm doing with the 12 Days of Beauty and Light isn't rolling out quite as I intended it...I was suppose to have one everyday and end on Jan 5, but I'm only on day 5 and it's January 5th! Has this happened to you? Maybe on the lines of exercising? 

I had a lot of them 1/2 written but it wasn't quite "perfect." and I thought for sure I would have it done in time. Time goes by so quickly that 3 days=1 before I'm aware of it.   

I hope this confession gives you permission to let go of your expectations. As long as you are consistent and keep taking steps RESPONDING to life instead of reacting, it will all flow with ease and you experience things better than you thought. The universe is funny like that. I'm constantly amazed by God's mercy, grace and timing. Hopefully these messages will get to you at the time you need it.  

As I end this week, I'm reminded of BEING in gratitude and appreciation. I was talking to my sister Lonnie because I was in a funk and I was mad at myself that I couldn't shift out of it, even though I know I should be grateful. Lonnie said it was because I was "doing" instead of "being." It's not enough to write or say it ,although that is a start, you must FEEL it and BE it.  

I realized I was living into the future again so I wasn't BEING present to this experience, lesson, and blessing. I was "comparing" and "shoulding." Although I was grateful, I had slipped out of APPRECIATION.  

Gratitude is when you are grateful you went though an experience, you SURVIVED it! This puts it in the past. Appreciation is when you are PRESENT to the experience,allowing you to count your blessing now and feel into it. From here you can duplicate to have more of this state. You must have gratitude to start. Here's the equation gratitude -> appreciation -> duplication.  

I just wrote out 100 gratitudes and I'm going to challenge you to do the same. Do it weekly and re-read it every few days, your brain must remember to remember. If it helps you, print up a picture when you were really happy and write on it. Carry the picture with you all week to remind you of your state of JOY. When you are in a state of JOY you will want to dance and want the best for everyone...that will be tomorrow's newsletter... 

Every Interaction you have can change someone's life

My friend Faith has a great saying on her voicemail, "Every interaction you have can change someone's life, who know's this may change yours." The last few days have been a numbing feeling. Today I really took time out to pray and meditate.

There are lots of people out there suffering and you really have the power to enable or empower someone, to give inspiration, to pass on more love with something as simple as a connection with the eyes, a smile, a hug, a compliment. These things take about10 seconds, free to give away, and the effect is PRICELESS, creating a ripple effect that transforms the world.

What I've learned in my services is people, male or female, really want to feel a few basic things: they want to feel loved, appreciated, beautiful/sexy, desired, young, excited, and above all, that someone BELIEVES in them. Perhaps Adam Lanza who did the shoots at Sandy Hook just needed someone to love him, encourage him, believe in him.  

What if we took a little more time out to just give out 1 hug, 1 compliment, one smile to someone different everyday? How many Adam Lanzas can we save? How much better would the world be if we came with a little more grace, practiced a little more forgiveness, and pass on a little more hope?

One of my favorite sayings is, "In the darkness, we can see the stars." Behind every breakdown, there is a break-through. As I watched the news Monday night, I saw a country come together, there was a sense of ONENESS, community, and so much compassion.

Let's make this holiday season about LOVE and LIFE. Let's make December 21st, the BEGINNING and embrace this winter solstice/end of the Mayan calendar with more LOVE and LIGHT. We MUST be the change we want to see in the world.

Love is the most powerful emotion we have. When we express our love, we elevate the consciousness of the entire world.  Please join me, on my facebook page, on Friday, December 21, 2012 and share at least one thing you love about your life, the world, God, or anything at all. Let's send our love to the planet.

www.facebook.com/SoYouBoutique    

   

Lastly, I BELIEVE in YOU. Thank you for being part of my life even if it was one service or if its been years since I've seen you.

Today I want you to celebrate YOU!

My niece Victoria arrived Dec. 31, 2012 at 5:10A. My brother and his wife celebrated in the hospital and put on a new years headpiece for her. She is such a gift and I'm so excited to see the person she will become.  

For the past couple of days I've been asking "What are 2 things you learned this year that made the most impact on you?" For me it was letting go/surrender and loving people for where they are at.  One person shared she needed to rest and sleep. Another said he need to learn how to say no to things. Another reminded me to not judge.   

Then I heard how they beat themselves down. I complimented them and some had a hard time receiving it. They said something like "That's very kind of you but..." The word "but" negated everything. Have you ever done this?   

It's hard sometimes to compliment yourself and it may seem counterintuitive with what society tells us is proper. It seems okay to accept compliments from others but to compliment yourself just doesn't feel right.  

Today I'm telling you MUST acknowledge who you are. Just like Victoria, YOU ARE A GIFT. The world deserves the BEST you. Today I'm challenging you to brag about yourself. If you need help, reply to this email and I'll respond with what I love best about you.  I don't think bragging deserves all of the negative sentiment that it has received. It's simply about the intention behind it.

When I have sense of pride over something I have done well, I want to share it because it feels good to have someone to celebrate with - not because I hope to accentuate the lack that someone else is feeling in their own life. Here are five ways you can start to shine your light for the whole world to see.

Tip #1 - Start Out Small

Get yourself acclimated with the best parts of you by writing down all the things you are proud of on a piece of paper. Then read it to yourself, it's going to feel awkward at first. Maybe pretend its your best friend(s) telling you these things.  

Restrain from censoring your thoughts. This is just for your eyes and there's no need to feel the guilt you might normally feel entertaining these thoughts. If you're feeling really bold, hang up the list somewhere visible. You deserve to be proud of who you are every single day.

Tip #2 - Make Your Own Celebration

Often times we wait for someone else to pat us on the back and validate our worth. Then, when that doesn't happen, we let accomplishments fall to the wayside without the proper acknowledgement and celebration.

So create your own celebration. If you can become your own cheerleader and support system then you won't have to replace your elation with the disappointment of unmet expectations.

Take yourself out to dinner. Buy yourself an AiryFairy Airplant. Get an AIRBRUSH TAN or teeth whitened. Treat yourself so that you can feel the magnitude of your own greatness. Sorry shameless plug. =)

 

Tip #3 - Accept All Compliments

When someone hands you a compliment, only two words are necessary - thank you.

Most of us like to follow up compliments with conversation filler statements; the ones that allow someone else to take the credit or compliment the person back or explain to the compliment giver why we really aren't deserving of such niceties. Stop that. It's an insult to you and to them. If accepting a compliment feels unnatural and uncomfortable, sit with it - it'll pass and then you'll be better prepared to accept the next one that comes your way.

Tip #4 - Give Others the Opportunity to Boast

Pass that sentiment along. Encourage those you care about to share their accomplishments with you. This creates an environment where it feels good to be confident - and how can that be a bad thing?

Tip #5 - Recognize You Are Great Now

We tend to avoid looking at how spectacular things are in the moment because we are future-oriented beings. We don't want to point out how things currently stand because we believe that we will be "better" when we accomplish x, y, or z. The thing is, what you have accomplished today was likely your "x, y, or z" of the past, so it must be celebrated. And YOU must be celebrated for making it happen.

Don't wait for circumstances to change or events to happen to boast about where you are and all that you have done. Today, you are PERFECTION.