Transform your life in 12 Steps

With the summer solstice and change in season, I thought a good message to reflect on is embracing CHANGE. It's also been a reoccurring theme for me in the last month and perhaps it is for you as well. Recently one of my best friends moved to Denver because she wanted to change her life. Kara realized she was outgrowing her container in Scottsdale and wanted more balance. Being with Kara I'm seeing some things for the first time, learning and re-learning some lessons, and remembering to remember who I want to become in this process. Oddly in my airbrush tanning, teeth whitening, and eyelash extension sessions, clients open up to me with their desires for change yet they have so many hesitations. Change can be scary and EXCITING.

You can always choose which feelings you want to live in. You can always choose the excuses and justification. If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse. I still don't have everything figured out, but my life has changed drastically for the better. It's not the dragon you have to slay, it's the fear. Here are the 12 steps that has helped me to embrace change.

1. Be Honest with Yourself
Don't underestimate the power of denial. We've all got an amazing capacity for it, but that doesn't mean we need to use it. Shine some sunshine on the parts of your life that need exposing. If you have a close friend you trust, ask them to give you some help identifying things you struggle with. However, many of us surround ourselves with people that are similar to us, be aware of that. Sometimes those around us don't always have our best interests in mind. For instance, I worked in a restaurant and clothing store and so did most of my friends. No one was going to tell me I drank too much because many of them drank more than I did. In order for me to be honest about that, I had to look outside myself and my circle of friends. If you're concerned you have serious issues to iron out or don't have anyone to talk with, consider seeking a counselor's advice. A few sessions can give amazing perspective.

2. Perform a Personal Inventory
Putting something on paper brings it into the physical realm; it makes it real. This is especially helpful if you're dealing with denial. Read it out loud. Spell out the things you struggle with. Call them by their name. Get comfortable with them. Then write down why you'd like to change. For me some of the answers were obvious: my physical health was in danger (I have ulcerative colitis). But there can be so many reasons - spiritual and mental health, friendships and marriages, financial responsibilities, children - identifying them helps you find your inspiration and motivation.

There is a difference between inspiration and motivation. Motivation is like a sugar rush, it only lasts a little while, like when you read a book, go to a seminar. You take action immediately but then it goes away. Inspiration is your WHY, it burns inside you and reminds you to take another small step even on the most wall kicking days. Remember that your primary inspiration for change should be yourself, or your will may falter. You may inadvertently resent someone for "making" you change.

3. Visualize Peace & Health
Ask yourself the typical interview question: Where do I see myself in five years? Write down the things, big and small, that you're accomplishing. I wanted to be in great shape, debt-free, living in an amazing place. I wanted to be comfortable with my emotions, honest with the people in my life and eating healthfully. Don't worry if some of these things seem really off the wall. (I want to ride elephants!) The point is to have a well-rounded version of yourself to look forward to.

4. Start Small
After being honest with yourself, looking at where your life stands and what you really want, there's a temptation to dive right in, "fixing" one thing after another, crossing them off your list. That's sort of the New-Year's-Resolution way of doing things. This is unsustainable. Sooner or later, you're going to run out of steam, have a bad day and you'll drop everything thinking "There's no way I can keep this up." (inspiration vs motivation!)

Choose one thing and do it well. For me, it was meditating and exercising in the mornings. I could cross it off my list every day and it made me feel good. If I had a bad day and didn't meditate or exercise, I just started over the next day. After a few weeks it just became a habit.

5. Slow Down
Life's a marathon, not a sprint. Any lasting change needs to feel like a part of you in order to stick. As your one small thing becomes second nature, choose something else you'd like to incorporate into your life. If it becomes too overwhelming, stop and choose something different. This is where that honesty comes in.

6. Avoid All-Or-Nothing Thinking
If you exercise too much, you can hurt yourself. A diet must be balanced: fats aren't all bad. When I first started making positive changes in my life, I'd get really bent outta shape when I'd miss a workout or "forget" to eat the fruit on my desk, opting for a cookie. I would berate myself with shame and tell myself I'd failed; I must meet my goals, I'd scold myself. If we're kind to ourselves, we're much more likely to do our own bidding. It's pretty amazing how quickly we'll revert to teenage rebellion when confronted with all-or-nothing attitudes. Seeing the world in black and white is a dangerous way to set yourself up for failure, because it doesn't allow for mistakes.

7. Expect Growing Pains and Setbacks
Perfect is boring. Oftentimes our mistakes and setbacks bring us to a place where we learn more and become even greater individuals. The other thing about peace and positive change is that it can leave us feeling kind of ... odd. You long for a comfortable restful life and once it starts to happen, you start missing the drama and frenzy of your old life. This can be really unsettling. Just be aware of it. Sometimes it helps to revisit your writing and understand why you're making these choices. I never thought I would miss the life I left behind, but even 3 years later, I get twinges of sadness - grief for my loss. The first time I felt it, I was flabbergasted...perplexed. Now I just know it's there and let it pass through me.

8. Focus On What You Love
Change is tough, and if there's one thing that can make it easier, it's focusing on the parts of life you adore - something that stays constant. For me, food and beauty services/products was my muse. I talked about food, loved to grocery shop, spray tanned, galvanic my face..It may seem trivial, but grounding yourself in these small joys makes for an easier time and a more positive outlook.

9. Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People
It's time to take a critical look at the people you're spending time with. I'm not suggesting you ditch your friends (far from it!); I'm saying cultivate relationships that encourage your health and growth. While I had several people in my life who were drinking buddies, there were others who were excited to hit the gym with me or take a bike ride.

Chances are you've got relationships that will blossom like flowers in spring with the right conversations. Your other friends may not see you as much, but if the friendship is worth it, it will grow. Don't be afraid to let go of people. Toxic relationships create stagnant pools that make it nearly impossible to welcome real change in your life. I said goodbye to a few people I thought were close friends; it was hard but its a reason, season, or lifetime.

10. Reward Yourself
Ice cream. Spray tans. Lash extensions. Long walks. Flowers. Vacations. New toys. As long as it isn't something that's going to set you back, give it to yourself. You deserve it! Positive reinforcement is one of the most powerful tools to keep you moving forward. Remember: treating yourself like a precious object makes you strong.

11. Change Begets Change
It seemed like the more small but positive habits I created, the more my life just transformed. Because I was choosing more fruits and vegetables, I started to crave them. I was less interested in eating processed or fast foods. The more choices and changes you make, the more you will see it in your life, like a domino effect.

12. Check In
Remember your personal inventory and your life visualizations? Hold onto those and check in every few months. This can be a lot of fun. Where are you excelling? What do you need to work on? Has your idea of peace changed? Answer these questions and modify your process if you need to. You can't know where you're going without knowing where you are. Do not compare yourself with another, everyone's idea of balance is different. This judgement on yourself is dis-empowering. Be the best YOU this world deserves. This last point is critical.

You are the director, producer, and main star in YOUR life movie. Assessing your resources, reevaluating your plan and acting in harmony with your surroundings will help you survive and thrive. If change was easy, everyone would be doing it. But it is a lot of fun and kind of addictive when you start getting good at it. Keep these secrets in mind and the life you've always wanted can be well within your reach.

I believe in you.

Stop SHOULDing on yourself

I starting doing Tony Robbin's Ultimate Edge program again last week. The 2 biggest nuggets I got from it this time around is Decisions create your Destiny and stop SHOULDing on yourself. When you should on yourself, you kinda shit on yourself. As we enter into a wonderful summer and the 2nd half of the year, take a quick moment to pause because sometimes you have to slow down to speed up. Are you where you want to be physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially? Release the judgment of where you should be and stop telling yourself "I should have done this, I should be here, I should do this..." SHOULD is the language of procrastination, judgment, and justification. It is my intention that this writing shift you to the 1 degree of empowerment and CONSISTENT action you are seeking. Every action is fathered by decisions and it's your decisions that are moments of creation for your destiny. You make your decisions and then your decisions make you. So many people think that they will do this when certain condition happens. A well lived life is not so. You decide something and then the opportunities present itself because your subconscious will find a way to achieve it. This past month I had the honor to airbrush some new body building competitors. I get to see them at the end of their journey, the final moments before they go on stage after months of training, dieting, and discipline. A particular client, Teresa stands out. She is 36 years young, has 4 kids, and lost 42 lbs. Teresa wanted to do the competition for herself and just made the decision to do it. A quote she read everyday to keep her motivated was "If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse." She gave me an incredible gift that day. It was a renewal and showed me why I was stuck in some areas of my life. I believe your words are your law, and your language attracts the energy in your life. One of my mentors, Jeffery Combs says the word SHOULD is the language of procrastination. Your brain tries to avoid pain by procrastinating. When you use "should" your brain associates it with work or attaches it to an outcome that requires work. Most people do not like to "work" and link it to pain, hence, you procrastinate and make an excuse. I challenge you to take notice of how many times you use the word should. When you do, immediately re-phase and say "I want to or I am willing to." Notice how much better you'll feel and how the opportunity will appear in a matter of 5 days for you to step into that power with more flow and ease.